Idolmaster Cool Wall

No, not the Cool type. But how cool each character is.

Ice Box

Anastasia. It is impossible to be a cock and an AnyaP at the same time. With efforts like this, this and this, you can see how Anya is the most effortlessly cool character around. If there’s a reason to dislike her, I don’t know what it is. Unless you’re an imbecile. Or a member of the British government.

Sub-zero

Kanade. Seamless. Biased as I may be, it’s hard to deny just how good she manages to look sometimes without even trying. Sexy even, without even trying. And not so blatantly sexy anyone will try and out you as lewd. She’s more classy than that.

Nono. The only way to get more sex than being a ShikiP is being a NonoP. Both of them are my least favourite characters. So, in conclusion, I’m fucked.

Natsuki. Look at her. That is the most fucking handsome you have ever seen an idol be.

Karen. You only need to see how well she did last election to know she’s cream of the second-tier Cool crop. Never mind that she’s secretly an alpha bitch, she’s also unwell, and that’s one of the coolest things you can be these days.

Kanako. I am staggered Kanako doesn’t have more favourites than she does. With a voice like hers you simply cannot go wrong. And thiccness is very cool indeed, these days.

Yuko. Not taking any arguments here.

Miho. MihoPs are good thinkers. Because hopefully they too realise she’s main character material without being a main character.

Yumi. One of the best looking characters without making a fuss about it.

Miyu. Miyu is as plain as day, which obviously gives everyone carte blanche to absolutely love her. She’s a bit of a combo of all sorts of good bits from different characters.

Kako. Agonisingly beloved to the point she got a voice in the last election, and rather against the odds too. She was the unvoiced holy grail until now.

Ai. Like some of the other cools up here. But unvoiced.

Seira. She’d slipped under the radar until the moment we all saw her SSR. And then we all wondered how the hell we’d all missed her the first time round. Wow.

Cool

Shiki. No, I haven’t gone all bipolar. I still find Shiki slightly horrifying at the worst of times, but the inescapable fact is; if you tell everyone you are a ShikiP, you will be having sex in minutes. Everybody loves her…apart from me.

Rin. . And looks like she can drop the hottest mixtape any minute of the week. She usually does.

Asuka. Ranko for deep thinkers. Well, actually, no. If you take her solely on the face of her deep thinking Asuka is not worth the time of day, at all. However, when you observe just how good she can look… You realise she’s not so bad after all. She’s how a chuuni really ought to be.

Fumika. Shyness is, quite simply, the greatest selling point in anime. You only need see the consensus ranking of Madoka’s characters to know what I’m on about. And amongst a bagful of bags of nerves, Fumika tops them all. So she’s cool. And that’s before you get to her looks.

Frederica. A meme-master it’s OK to like. And not just because she’s very good not just as a meme-master, but also as an actual human being, as well.

Nao. A tsundere it’s OK to like. Because actually, she isn’t much of one really. Mercifully.

Minami. Should be sub-zero. That outfit the Granblue Fantasy blokes gave her is a match for anything offered by her girlfriend Anya. Couple of problems, though. Firstly, that’s not exactly canon. Secondly, there’s her early art. Not the legendarily terrible stuff – that’s just funny more than anything. No, I’m talking about a couple of genuinely quite offbeat pics that are totally unsuitable for Minami. I mean, I don’t know what this is. And certainly not this. But it’s not the Minami I know and love (or hate, if it’s the Minami3 I couldn’t roll), that’s for sure.

P.S. Mind you, she looks quite a lot like D.Va. And she’s comfortably the coolest character in her own game. Sadly nobody has put Minami in a catsuit. Yet.

Shin. Another character everyone loves, and who it’s good to love. Well, just about. Sugar heart might get old very soon, but I can absolutely see the appeal that comes with the outpouring of love for hair-down Shin. Hopefully that doesn’t get old soon, either. Like Shin herself.

Yui. Forever looks like she’s stepped off the set of some mainstream 90s American thing or something. Apart from her unawakened CinFes, where she inexplicably looks like a blown-up reality show wife. But liking her is absolutely fine and wholly understandable. Just as long as you’re not an absolute dick about it.

Syuko. Being a SyukoP is like being a proper indie fan. She always slips under the radar of most but the truth is she is actually really bloody awesome.

Miria. A young’un it is very much OK to like. Unless you call her your daughter. Then you, and you alone, deserve to be in seriously uncool. Do not treat Miria like that. Unless you actually are old enough to be her parent… Actually, that might make you even worse.

Some others: Ryo, Tomo, Ibuki, Chinatsu, Tokiko

Meh

Uzuki. It’s hard to stay mad at her for long, although I do my best. But the fact she’s liked generally doesn’t escape the fact she’s too blank a slate for the lofty position she occupies in-series.

Kirari. A lot more divisive than you’d think. I mean, I like her, and find her wholly inoffensive, but her style does grate for some.

Anzu. Also fine by me, but I didn’t think that at first. Very good for a gimmick master, but at the end of the day she is still a gimmick master.

Suzuho. The SSR meme is gone now, leaving us with a collection of outfits that straddle the line between glorious and ridiculous. Which side they fall on is open to interpretation.

Sanae. Slightly unusual image, when you think about it. Old is cool, even though she doesn’t look it. Being a titty monster – even a shortstack one – is not.

Arisu. Would be cool, especially as probably the most level-headed young’un of all. Until you see what some artists have done to her. It doesn’t ruin Arisu but it’s deeply disconcerting all the same.

Uncool

Ranko. Popular as heck, and a character people not into iM@s might actually recognise. The fact she does this largely by being a chuuni is not great. Honestly, there’s so much better to find in iM@s.

Kaede. Of course, general consensus has concluded that Kaede is the grandmaster of all Cinderella Girls. Unfortunately, that has given her Ps license to treat her like the actual Messiah. They’re a bit like Liverpool fans. Seriously, if you try to find fault with her they will immediately hit back with chapter and verse as to why Kaede is the greatest character conceived in the history of fiction and how you must bow down to her immediately and such.

So, Kaede. Nice character. Shame about the fans.

Mika. Of course, lots of people love Mika a lot, me included. She’s an outstanding idol who flirts with near-perfection, in my eyes. She’s also the one who flirts with full-on lewdness more than any other. Which reflects in her fan work more than any other. So if you’re a MikaP, everyone will think you’re a LewdP, too. Mostly, they’re right. Admittedly, they are in my case. But it must be annoying for those who actually aren’t.

Syoko. Plenty of love for Syoko, at least out west, but again a lot of that comes down to her gimmick(s). The east doesn’t care quite as much either way, plus I always have weird suspicions about how a few SyokoPs I’ve seen behave. Not all of them, you understand…

Nana. The election winner, via a meme that reached its ultimate goal and has therefore served its purpose. Also the gimmickiest of the gimmick masters and damn near nothing else. Yes, I’m gonna get a lot of stick for this, and it’s slightly awkward to put the actual current Cinderella Girl here, but… Just think what people not into iM@s will reckon of her. Then you’ll see the wisdom.

Koume. A lot like Syoko in many ways, actually. Slightly suspect Ps, slightly suspect voice, slightly suspect character… No, I don’t think anyone will be a fan of this either.

Yuka. Yuka gets an awful lot of stick from some quarters, and I believe it’s to do with her voice. Apparently some weren’t happy with it when she got it. I wasn’t around for that so I just hear an unusual but still rather lovely voice in song. Mind you, that fact that she’s the same height as Rika is getting old now.

Cathy. LOOK AT HER EYES, FAM. Frederica ain’t got shit on those. If anything, she’s probably too unorthodox to get voiced. Or perhaps the wrong sort of unorthodox. Or too orthodox in too many places. Still. THOSE FUCKING EYES.

Nanami. I’m going to be shot for saying this. But seriously. My corner of the fandom is so utterly obsessed with Nanami it’s mental. I swear to god, they’ll literally toss themselves off over her. And I just don’t know why this is. I mean, it would be fine if they didn’t stop banging on about it and how brilliant she is as if she were the fucking fish god… Still, at least that SSR has shut them up for now.

Seriously Uncool

Mayu. Yanderes are just overrated at this point. At least, ones done like Mayu, anyway. Even her disarming voice doesn’t really save her.

Miku. There are still plenty of MikuPs out there who treat her as the holy savior. There are also those who would kill her off faster than any other idol in iM@s. And with good reason. Miku has saturated us all with content to an extent way beyond what her niche should allow for. To the point of her appearing in stuff she has no right to. That’s why a lot of people hate her, too.

Rika. A fantastic character, no doubt. And one that is hurt badly by a reputation identical to Mika’s. Which is fine if you’re talking about Mika. Not Rika. Who is 12. So if you’re a RikaP, we don’t just think you’re a LewdP. We think you’re something worse; a lolicon. Sadly, judging by everyone’s favourite iM@s doujins, there are a lot of these around.

Mio. Everyone still bangs on about the anime. Understandably so.

Riina. Like that bandwagon hopper who thinks she can make it big in the industry. Her bandwagon is rock and her inability to do it, while amusing, is just slightly tragic. Also Bamco seem to think she’s popular even though she isn’t.

Shizuku. If admitting to being a MikaP is admitting to being a LewdP, admitting to being a ShizukuP is admitting to being a flat-out degenerate. People are going to ask a lot of questions if she’s your favourite.

Haruna. Deceptively ordinary. But don’t be fooled, for within Haruna’s nondescript exterior is someone who literally will not shut up about her gimmick – glasses. Also, and I know this is slightly mutual, there is at least one HarunaP who gets and/or got on a lot of people’s tits. Chiefly by proclaiming her the best of the best.

Chie. An 11 year old who tries to act flirty. Yeah…no. Everyone seems to irk at the mere prospect of Chie, me included. If I wasn’t such a KanadeP I’d probably find her even worse.

Mary. Just wrong in like every way. It’s no mistake everyone cringes the heck out whenever her name is even mentioned.

Sachiko. Literally an in-universe fall girl, for a start. But thanks to the good old ‘kawaii boku’ memes, it’s popular to like her, and therefore she ought to be up towards cool. Except those that really like her will get very uppity, or passive-aggressive, if you dare to slag her off like I do. Or even edit her Cinfes as a joke, by turning her smirk upside down. Said people tend to be so snitchy about it they’ll just casually block you without mentioning it. On a live chat. Which is possibly the dumbest place to block someone, ever. How do they understand a convo if I’m talking in it? And how can they be sure I’m not talking shit about them behind their back? Whatever. As long as they’re fooled by Sachiko’s notion that she is the greatest everything of all time, I don’t care.